Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
