epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
