Little spoons don't ask big questions
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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