I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
