i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
