just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
