It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
