If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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