who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
