I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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