so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
