I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
