i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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