i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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