I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
