Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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