All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
