Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
