the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
