saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
