HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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