You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
