with your own penis?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
