You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
