I accidentally had phone sex last night
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
