I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There's always time for handjobs
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The air was thick with penises
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
