I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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