i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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