she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
