Rock
Scissors
Fuck
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I wish there were birth control emojis
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
