Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so that wasnt chicken after all
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
