I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
