Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
