Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
