The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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