He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
