The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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