If i come over, it means nothing
I wish I only lived at night.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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