I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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