Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
