Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
