This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I can text with my tongue
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
And the cops told us we were all naked.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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