I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
