Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
