Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
