A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
