I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
