i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
