Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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