I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
