something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
