The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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